my best friend missed me and is now hi-jacking my tumblr and my photobooth!
yay for cheri finally being home <3
One year ago, a really special person left this world. Now we all must do all of the kind and wonderful things we can so that the world doesn’t turn into a dark and ugly place with someone as great as Kati Grubby missing from it.
Half of me went with you that day, one year ago, when my entire universe got turned upside down. You changed the world twice- when you came into it and again when you left. Never have I had a friend who cared about me and loved me so much. Sweet & sensitive but still fun & feisty as hell. You taught me how to live, and now I must.
Yeah, I’m about to go deep
2011:
-had my own apartment in South Florida by the beach
-ran everyday, practiced yoga, ate right & was in the best physical health of my life
-graduated college
-got a full time job in my field doing just what i want
-financed a new SUV all on my own
-lost my lifelong friend, my Kati, in a car accident
-subsequently had my heart broken for the first time
-stopped exercising -> started taking pills & sleeping thru my days
-quit my job
-moved back to Maryland and in with my dad
This started as a year of gains, then halfway through, became what seems a year of losses. It’s not so easy to explain to everyone who asks ‘why did I move back’ in one sentence of casual conversation. I needed to sort out my year in writing, but decided to do so on here instead of a journal to hopefully help other people see that your job, your social status, how much money you make should not & cannot be the focus of your life. I would gladly trade my house, my car, my job and every single possession to have my friend back and to give her the rest of her life that she deserved to live. Losing someone that can’t be replaced has changed my view on everything in ways I never thought possible. Arguments over petty matters with friends & family just seem unnecessary, a breakup with a boy- take it as a good life experience & lesson learned. If you lose your wallet or break your cell phone- those things can be replaced. How you live your life, how you treat people, the person you are is something that will live on forever. The grief I’ve felt the last 6 months has torn me apart and brought me to new lows & depressions I never though I was capable of. It has also opened my eyes. I now have the strength to pursue dreams & goals I’ve always wanted but was too timid to pursue because I couldn’t leave my financial commitments behind or because I was afraid other people wouldn’t understand. Not to say it doesn’t still hurt not having you around, but Kati Grubby- thank you thank you thank you for giving me the strength to live my life for one purpose- of being happy, and to live every single day to the fullest the way you did. This New Year I resolve to use my grief not to keep me down anymore, but to help me grow into the person I’ve always wanted to be.
2012:
-make sure that each of my loved ones knows what they mean to me
-spend as much time as possible in nature, reminding me that there are greater forces out there & we are not in control
-live my life free of material attachments… as organic & minimal as possible
-finally practice WWOOFing, living off the land in it’s natural state
-restart my yoga practice- keeping my mind, body & soul in balance
-help others & strive to do nice things to make other people happy
-treat everyone I encounter with kindness & respect
-commit to a raw food diet
-allow myself to enjoy life’s pleasures and to be happy without feeling guilt
-refrain from judging people who I may not fully understand
-carry the memory of my friend with me always, helping me to become a better person through her spirit
“Dead and gone though they may be, as we came to understand them in new ways, it is as though they came to understand us- and through them we came to understand ourselves-in new ways, too.” -Frederick Buechner
Happy New Year Kate. I love you, I miss you & I think of you every single day.
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I don’t want to go out an party and drink. I don’t have a good excuse why not except that it all seems like “paper fun” and the most meaningless waste of what little energy I have left. But you can’t just say that to people and I’m running out of excuses. I can’t say that I just want someone to come over and hang out in my room and watch movies and talk and have a sleepover. And I can’t tell them that the only friends who I’m that comfortable with live 1500 miles away anyways. And that the one person I’m able to be my genuine self around died and no one here will every understand what she meant to me and see that I am so disgustingly sad without her in my life and that I don’t know how to be sad.
A Mind's Slideshow: A personal reflection. →
I have always heard that grief is a five step process. It’s such common knowledge that they mock it on primetime television and abuse the psychological theory on quiz shows. I don’t believe it can truly be accounted for in such a simplistic way. How can something be a series of steps, when the…
